You knew that after Obama's second annual press conference that Madame would have something to say, especially after he dissed drilling. The President got a little bit pottymouth-ish, so Madame had to clean up the title of her newest post a bit--just in case Piper read it! I haven't gotten to use those symbols much in our work.
I think she wishes she was at the press conference today, as we started today's post with a series of questions to the president. She also typed out some pieces of her record and some solutions. Her solutions--stop blaming Bush and start drilling here. I love it when she does that!
I will say that my favorite part were these nightsticks:
(I risk the President taking my comments personally, but they’re not intended to be personal; my comments reflect what many others feel, and we just want to help him tackle this enormous spill problem.)
....
We hope you’re learning. Please learn that we must have domestic energy development, you must stop looking backward and blaming Bush, and we must all work together to “plug the d#*! hole.”
Poor, poor, Mr. President! I hope TOTUS is around to console him. Madame just took him to school! We hope he's learning.
When I began to call Obama the Great Opologizer, I didn't think he would take it to heart as much as he did! One of his officials apologized to China for the Arizona immigration law--the extremely short bill that we linked in our Facebook post today! This is the bill that Janet Incompetano and co haven't read! China has done horrible human rights abuses, and our President's peeps are apologizing to China! Geez! This bill is just like the federal law--the law the Great Opologizer is apologizing for, not enforcing!
I will say that Madame's post title inspired me for my t-shirt business (don't tell her I've started making and selling "Palin 2012" shirts). She titled this post: "America Apology Tour". The Great Opologizer apologizes so much, I decided he needs tour t-shirts, so I designed some:
They are on sale for $19.95 plus shipping and handling! Get them before they sell out!
After an awesome day yesterday campaigning with the two conservative superheroines, we are heading to Nawlins for Madame to give a barnburner of a speech tomorrow! However, today, I'd like to do some video embedding. Madame and Madame Speaker were on Hannity last night, and Madame spoke about Obama's nuclear policy, comparing it to a little boy being asked to be punched in the face. Madame wishes that Obama would be more like Reagan. Obama nervously responded today. I wonder if the analogy Madame used hit too close to home for the President and reminded him of grade school in Indonesia. Finally, Madame wants Reagan? Her wish is my command:
We went a bit rogue today and wrote a piece for the National Review Online instead of on Facebook. I love it when we mix it up a bit! It means I get to use a different font!
The Great Opologizer stated today that he was going to expand off-shore drilling. Of course, he is choosing to not drill in parts of Alaska. Hmm...
You know that wasn't going to sit well with Madame. Energy independence is like her 6th child! She went to work highlighting the softy southpaws tactics of trying to garner support for cap and tax due to this decision. However, for the Great Opologizer, his tactics weren't "drill, baby, drill" but "stall, baby, stall"! Stall, baby, stall is a lot like his war strategy--ditherer-in-chief!
Madame also spent some time highlighting her record, which is always awesome. Also, she reminded us that this is about jobs. Less drilling, fewer jobs!
Madame also said that she was going to speak about this next week in New Orleans! Yes, we cajun!
After Madame spent hours and hours watching the Obamacare, she had to unwind by watching her favorite hockey girls. She and BOTUS tweeted this:
Drag away from Obamacare mtg today2cheer Red,White&Blue:USA Women's Hockey w/AK's own#23 Weiland play Canada for Gold.Huge contest.Go U-S-A!
The only thing is that the hockey game was broadcast on MSNBC. Madame tweeting that probably greatly increased their viewership! The girls fought hard, but they unfortunately lost to the Canadians.
Madame spoke about the health care summit on Hannity's show tonight, speaking about the fact that the Great Opologizer didn't talk about the price controls and reconciliation that were likely to happen with regards to this plan. She also discussed the conservative plans that Republicans have. My assessment? I posted a JPEG below depicting the most productive thing that the President did at the health care summit--he went digging for gold.
Well, I have to say that today, the Great Opologizer made it easy for Madame to call him out. At the GOP Retreat Friday, the President made some meandering statement in which he admitted that there were "stray cats and dogs" in the bill (aka special favors and provisions). Well, at first he said that these dogs were not in the bill, then he said that they were being taken out of the bill before finally admitting that they were in the bill. Huh? I guess that's what happens when he doesn't have TOTUS by his side (or should I say by his front). Madame was happy to bring to light this statement.
Also, Madame again pointed to the GOP solutions that were being offered, but she didn't do so without trying to push the often wimpy, but somewhat good GOPers: Boehner, Cantor, Pence, and Ryan. Her final statement: " I implore them to speak louder because we’re listening, and we’re counting on them! " That's right, boys! Speak up!
Well, we all saw Governor McDonnell do a solid job giving the GOP rebuttal to the President's SOTU lecture, but, today, Madame wrote a 5 nightstick piece. I think if Tingles Matthews would have read Madame's post he would have said, " the whole time I was reading it I forgot she was a woman".
Madame really tried to be as nice as possible by starting the post with "while I don’t wish to speak too harshly about President Obama’s state of the union address"but here's a list of all the crap you've done to the country in the past year. Madame didn't mince words, so I suggest you read the whole thing. But. here's a summary of all the areas Madame in which called out the Great Opologizer: lack of credibility, contradiction, partisanship, lack of common sense, blaming Republicans, a bad health care plan, lobbyists, drastically increasing the debt, bailouts, taking over the auto industry, discussion of a second stimulus, feet dragging on oil leases, lack of support for Afghan women and Iranian democracy, lack of foreign policy discussion, and a fundamental disconnect with the American people. Whew.
Madame even throw in a few thoughts of her own for solutions . And, as always, the last line was great: "Real leadership requires results. Real hope lies in the ingenuity, generosity, and boundless courage of the American people whose voices are still not being heard in Washington."
That's right, Mr. President, maybe God gave you big ears for a reason--to listen!
Well, the Great Opologizer gave his State of the Union address. I knew it was going to be a long speech so I preemptively sent TOTUS a case of Red Bull so that he could stay awake. I'll summarize the speech for you all. Blame Bush. Condescension. Spending freeze. Continued crazy ideas on health care reform and climate change. Criticism of the Supreme Court. Hypocrisy. Disconnect. Etc. He even plagiarized Madame and spoke of common sense. Grr!!
If you didn't have the chance to watch it, I'll have to let you know that VP Biden's tie and Pukelosi's suit matched (Barf). Also, the Great Opologizer invited the Ft. Hood heroes, but didn't even take the time to acknowledge them.
You must watch Madame's excellent analysis of the speech embedded above. It was also my Foxnews debut! I'm seated right behind Madame. How did I do? Madame did an excellent job summarizing the SOTU in one word: lecture. You tell 'em, Madame. She also appeared to comment before the SOTU and on Hannity. There's a lot good stuff there too. Madame's not very happy about the Great Opologizer bashing the Supreme Court and the Constitution. She also said that the factcheckers will busy tonight! Hmm, I wonder if there will be more fact checkers to for the State of the Union address than for Madame's book.
I wonder if we'll do a Facebook post on this later. I'd better do some hibernating so that I'm ready to go if we do.
My keys are hurting! Man, after this Facebook post tonight. Madame meant business, and that means that she typed hard! I have to say that this one left me speechless. It also made me wonder if this was a Facebook post or a campaign ad?
I know that Madame said she doesn't need a title to make a difference, but the title of this one was great: "Mr. President: Please Try, 'I'm Listening, People,' Instead of 'Listen Up, People!'". At first I thought Madame was making fun of the Great Opologizer's ears, but really she just wants him to listen to the American people.
Madame even included 19 links in this post! This was fun for me; it made my job more interesting. Do you know how much energy a LOTUS has after 19 hyperlinks?
This post was a massive type, type, type, nightstick! Let's make a list of all the things that Madame called the President out on, shall we?
His lack of understanding of the discontent of the American people, his massive number of speeches and interviews, policies that the American people don't want, lack of leadership, lack of free market health care reform, closed door deals, massive spending, lobbyists in the Obama administration, no health care discussion on C-SPAN, Unread bills in Congress, the lack of allowance of the American people to read the bills, excessive pork in the stimulus bill, extending the bailouts, broken promises on spending cuts, broken promises on jobs, lack of private sector experience in the administration, and the overall disconnect between the promises of candidate Obama and President Obama.
Whew, if this is what Madame writes before the State of the Union address, I can't imagine what she'll have to say after the State of the Union.
As always, the last lines were best: "Candidate Obama over-promised; President Obama has under-delivered. We understand you, Mr. President. We’ve listened to you again and again. We ask that you now listen to the American people."
Madame wonders what's the Great Opologizer's Energy Plan?
Today, Madame posted two notes on Facebook. The first one asked what the Great Opologizer's plan on energy is? She spoke about the President's lack of an good energy policy is "one aspect of the president’s problem". Yep, just one of the President's problems! Madame also linked this article!I know, shocker! The Perky One probably still thinks she doesn't read! Madame also challenged the President to discuss his energy plans in his State of the Union address on Monday. Madame is an instigator, isn't she? If the President responds directly to this invitation, then it shows that Madame is in his head. If he doesn't respond, it may just further solidify Madame's charge that he has no energy plan. Yep, the President's between Barack and a hard place!
The other post was a congrats to the Friendship Circle, a non-profit organization that connects special needs kids with teenage volunteers. Congrats to them on on winning the Chase Community Giving award!
I cannot end today's post without sharing some sympathy for TOTUS. You see, the President used TOTUS to speak to 6th graders last week! TOTUS is so embarrassed that his boss could speak to 6th graders without his help, and this is being displayed proudly on the White House website. Poor TOTUS!
Stop the presses!!! The Great Opologizer sent his firsttweet today! The LSM is treating this like it is as historical as the moon landing! If I had eyes, I would roll them!Well, I guess this goes to show that sometimes The Great Opologizer is indeed a twit, even though he has admitted that he hasn't tweeted until that time! You may recall that even Willow has tweeted before in addition to Madame's tweets!
Of course, I suppose that we can take heart in the fact that this is likely Obama's least expensive "accomplishment" to date!
So we've been taking it slow over the holidays (just like the Great Opologizer). I knew Madame was gearing up for a good one after the tight whitey terrorism attempt on Christmas, and she did not disapppoint. We went to posting this afternoon, but, of course, as has become custom recently, Madame has employed the BOTUS to give the President advanced warning before another "BOOM! Taste my nightstick"Facebook attack!
Now, this one hurt me. Madame doesn't like it when people don't take national security seriously so she types extra hard. She started off by using the Opologizer's administration's own words against him 5 times in the first paragraph! Madame calls it like she sees it. It's terrorism, not a "man-caused disaster".
She then took the President to the woodshed on his rhetoric and his action as this whitey tighty terrorist is receiving the same rights as an American citizen--Miranda rights, a lawyer, etc . Hmm, it seems like the words that she spoke near a year and a half ago at the RNC are ringing true when she said, " al-Qaeda terrorists still plot to cause catastrophic harm on America, and he's worried someone won't read them their rights?". Today, she says, " It simply makes no sense to treat an al-Qaeda trained operative willing to die in the course of massacring hundreds of people as a common criminal ...Giving foreign-born, foreign-trained terrorists the right to remain silent does nothing to keep Americans safe from terrorist threats". Just call her Palin the Prescient!
As always, the closing line of her post was great: "the real nature of a terrorist threat requires a commander-in-chief not a constitutional law professor". Ouch. The truth hurts, and as someone who taught Constitutional law, the President should know that the second article of the Constitution is devoted most to outlining the role of Commander-in-Chief.
Madame has called out the Great Opologizer twice in the past 24 hours! I'm so tired. Madame is working me to the motherboard lately, but I still love my job! Last night's post was fun and full of sarcasm. I love it when Madame is sarcastic! Yesterday, the Great Opologizer said that he was going to have a jobs' summit next month. Hmm, it's kinds of strange that he had a beer summit four months before he had a jobs' summit, but whatever. I'm just a rogue laptop, so what do I know? In his speech discussing the jobs' summit, he said that wanted to her about all possible options to help improve employment. Madame decided to take him up on his offer this via Facebook. Her title was very polite: "Thank you, Washington, for Requesting a Demonstrably Good Idea". Madame knows the perfect way to balance being nice with being sarcastic. This post was full of sarcasm. Madame gave major props to the Great Communicator. In doing so, she encouraged the Great Opologizer to "learn from history" (yes, sarcasm!) by looking at what Reagan did: cut capital gains taxes and cut business payroll taxes, even embrace the free market system. I think I may need to educate TOTUS about that concept so that he can pass the knowledge onto the Great Opologizer. Madame smacked down the President on the fact that he chastised small businesses for not hiring employees when, in fact, if the government would cut taxes.
The post today was a lot more somber and tough! While most of Madame's posts were "type,type, smacks", this one today was a "type, type, send him into next week". She called the Great Opologizer out on his allowance of 9/11 terrorists to be tried in the US. I'll let you read it yourselves. My silliness would get in the way of covering the seriousness of this topic. Madame is a true bold patriot!
Tonight is the first game of the World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees. I'm not sure who Madame is cheering for, but I'm cheering for the Phillies. I think the designated hitter is for wimps.
I had a conversation with TOTUS tonight, and he told me that the Great Opologizer has his own special version of "Take Me out to the Ballgame" that he sings during the seventh inning stretch when he watches a game. Here are the lyrics:
Take me out to the ballgame. Write about me Maureen Dowd. I don't like bitter clinging rednecks. I don't care if I ever use facts. For I don't root for the "home team". If they don't win, there's no shame. For its 1,2,3 times a day I say Bush is to blame!
Now don't tell Madame that these are the President's lyrics. She won't be too happy. Now, final question: who would you rather have on your team?
A while back, I decided to do a JPG centered post rather than a text centered post. After all, a JPG is worth a worth a thousand words. As Madame had me help in posting some kickbuttFacebook posts at the end of last week and over the weekend, I'm still a bit tired. I decided to mix things up a little bit, and I've posted part 2 of " A JPG is Worth a Thousand Words".
As I came out of hibernation mode today, I began surfing around only to discover that the Great Opologizer had won the Nobel Peace Prize!?!? I checked down in my icon tray to check today's date. Much to my surprise it wasn't April 1st!!!
Come to find out, the nomination due date for this award was only 12 days following the Opologizer's inauguration, I couldn't help but think of another Obama song. This time rather than kids singing to him, he has a song to sing about himself (to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas): " On the 12th day of my presidency my true love gave to me, the Nobel Prize of Peace".
Of course, when the Great Opologizer received the Softy Southpaw nomination for president in June of 2008, the planet began to heal and the waters receded. Perhaps, that is why he won this award:
Just Wednesday, Madame had written a note about the President and his decisions regarding Afghanistan. My favorite line in this post said, "[n]ow is not the time for cold feet, second thoughts, or indecision -- it is the time to act as commander-in-chief and approve the troops so clearly needed in Afghanistan. "
Apparently, now is the time for rookie presidents to be rewarded for the low temperatures of their feet, multiple considerations, and indecisiveness in war. War, that if strategically lead, would lead to peace.
Oh well, I'd rather take a noble woman as a leader than a Nobel "winner" any day.
Former President Bush deemed himself the Decider. In an example of life imitating art, the Great Opologizer may be the Great Indecider, or maybe not. The New York Times had an article today discussing the Obama's art collection. This collection included this piece:
I wonder if the Great Opologizer looks to this piece for answers just like the witch in Snow White looks to the mirror. Painting, Painting on the wall, what is the answer to this fill-in-the-blank political situation? Should I send more troops to Afghanistan? Maybe. Will I be able to close Gitmo by the end of the year?Maybe. I wonder if the President also uses one of these to help him with his decision making:
I don't really understand it. When Madame was governor, she looked to the Alaskan Constitution and the ideals and governing principles of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. She actually made some definite decisions. Unlike the Great Opologizer who is hosting an astronomy night while still trying to decide on Afghanistan.
Today, the Great Opologizer jetted over to Copenhagen to try to make the case for Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics. However, the President didn't succeed in bringing the Olympics to his hometown. I guess that's what happens if you go around apologizing for your own country. Our buddy Dan Riehl said that Madame would have been a better advocate for bringing the Olympics back to America: "Next time, perhaps they should consider relying on advocates who truly are proud of America and like her just the way she's been. Yes, Sarah Palin does come to mind just now". Yep, Madame is always proud of America.
I surfed over to scan through the President's speech in Copenhagen. One line in particular stood out to me: "Now, that work is far from over, but it has begun in earnest. And while we do not know what the next few years will bring, there is nothing I would like more than to step just a few blocks from my family's home, with Michelle and our two girls, and welcome the world back into our neighborhood." Hmm, does the President think that he'll already be back in Chicago in the summer of 2016 instead of in the White House? Also, is he saying that he can see the Olympics from his house?
While we are on the topic of the Olympics, do you ever wonder what it would be like if debating was an Olympic sport? We all know Madame is quite the athlete as a former basketball point guard and as a runner, but, as we all saw a year ago today, Madame is quite an extraordinary debater as well. She won the gold medal against Vice President Hair Plugs last year. Here is the highlight reel from that epic, Olympian vice presidential event:
The next Olympic year is 2012, the same year as the next Presidential election. I wonder if Madame will participate in a new event, Presidential debating?
I just got done SKYPEing with TOTUS. Although we work for people on complete opposite sides of the political spectrum, TOTUS and I are very good friends. Unfortunately, TOTUS has been very busy, so we haven't had the chance to talk much lately. He and the Great Opologizer (TOTUS calls him Big Guy) have given a lot speeches in his first 9 months in office. TOTUS told me he has gotten pretty tired with all of the work he's been doing, and with the repetition of what the President is saying. He is tired of seeing the words "crisis", "from the brink", "let me be clear" "I" and "me" running across his screen all of time. He told that the Great Opologizer has actually used the words "I" and "me" nearly 1200 times in 41 of his speeches so far this year. TOTUS even told me that he got so bored during one speech that he fell asleep and fell off of his stand!
After exchanging pleasantries and catching up, TOTUS asked me what it was like to work with Madame. I told him it was amazing! I was having so much fun working on her soon-to-be bestselling book, Facebook posts, op-ed pieces, and occasionally helping the kids with their homework. TOTUS then asked me a strange question, "Well, how does Madame type?".
"What do you mean", I said.
"Well, if she is clinging bitterly to her guns and her religion, how does she have the hands and fingers to type?", TOTUS asked.
"Poor,TOTUS", I replied, " You have spent too much around Big Guy, and it has made you confused and misinformed. Madame clings happily to her faith and joyfully expresses her 2nd amendment rights. It's a figurative thing, not a literal thing, TOTUS".
"Oh, I see", TOTUS said.
We didn't have much time left, but I had to ask him what Big Guy thinks about Madame 45. TOTUS told me he was quite afraid of Madame. He thinks she is going to take his job in a few years! In fact, anytime Madame writes a post on Facebook or gives a big speech, he runs to Rahm Emmanuel calling out Elton John lyrics, "Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer". You see TOTUS calls Rahm "Toes", but the Great Opologizer calls him "Tiny Dancer".
Sadly, I didn't get the chance to ask him about the Botosi (that's what I call Nancy Pelosi) or FLOTUS (Michelle Obama) thinks about Madame. Oh well, perhaps next time! I hope Madame keeps TOTUS on staff, and we will get to hang out!
*Madame 45- Governor Sarah Palin *First Dude- Todd Palin *The Great Opologizer- President Barack Obama *Vice President Hair Plugs- Vice President Joe Biden *Softy Southpaws- Liberals *Meg "the Enforcer" Stapleton- Meghan Stapleton, Sarah Palin's spokesperson *John McAnonymous- Senator John McCain *TOTUS- Teleprompter of the United States, President *Obama's teleprompter *LOTUS- Laptop of the United States, Governor Palin's laptop, shrinking government one Facebook post and op-ed at a time! *BOTUS-Blackberry of the United States-Governor Palin's blackberry, another technological tool in the fight against government growth.
